Werewolves of London
by cecilymsmith
Summary: Song fic with a difference, sort of. A werewolf is seen treading the streets of 1900 Soho. But there’s something a little different about him... A tongueincheek, humour song fic. COMPLETE.


**To whom it may concern:**

I was out with my dad in the car when this song came on his CD player. All I could think about was how it would make such a great song fic and that I had to claim it for my own. So here is my first song fic offering to the world. I hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer:** Surprisingly enough, I don't own LXG, or the song used in this fic. (Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon) Funny that.

**Setting the scene:** The League are on a mission to destroy a werewolf who has been terrorising London.

* * *

**Werewolves of London**

Rain was pouring down the windows of the house the League were currently residing in. It was a miserable evening and, as Sawyer had gone out into the night, the four members of the League were feeling rather depressed. Nemo sat by a bookcase in deep philosophical thought. Jekyll and Skinner sat in the corner quietly playing a game of cards and Mina was reading.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Sawyer raced into the room. He was dripping from head to foot and held his gun in his hand. His hair fell over his eyes but he swept it back in mild annoyance.

"I saw a werewolf with a Chinese Menu in his hand," he announced to the group. Nemo, Jekyll and Mina stood in shock. Skinner remained seated, but let his playing cards fall from his hand.

"What on earth is a Chinese Menu?" he asked them, questioning Sawyers words. But the others ignored him and instead turned their attention to Sawyer. Jekyll walked towards him, curiously.

"Walking through the streets of Soho?" he asked Sawyer disbelievingly.

"In the rain?" Mina added, just as apprehensively. Sawyer nodded back at them and placed his gun on the ground. The League had heard about this creature roaming London. It had been terrorising the streets for weeks. That was the whole reason for them returning to London.

"He was looking for a placed called Lee Ho Fook's" Sawyer told them. They looked at each other. Nemo shrugged. He didn't know where it was. He didn't even know of anyone called Lee Ho Fook!

"Going to get himself a big dish of beef chow mein." Sawyer added thoughtfully, as if this was in anyway useful to the conversation.

A loud, chilling wolf howl filled the room. It sounded as though the beast was near.

"Werewolves of London?" Nemo said. The howl sounded again, this time a little louder and nearer.

"Werewolves of London." Sawyer confirmed, sweeping his blond hair out of his eyes again.

Skinner opened his mouth as if to ask them 'what-the-hell-are-you-lot-going-on-about?' but stopped as a great scratching noise followed by another canine howl came from the other side of the house. Skinner stood up, and the others grouped together and took a few steps towards the source of the sound.

"Can you hear him howling around the kitchen door?" Mina asked the others. The three men crowded around her and nodded fiercely.

"Better not let him in!" Nemo told the others. Skinner stood up, swiftly and walked towards the group.

"Well, I would have thought that was the most sensible thing to do!" he shouted at them, but they only seemed to ignore him once again. Jekyll raised his hand enthusiastically, to obtain the attention of the others.

"Little old lady got mutilated late last night," Jekyll informed them. Sawyer gave a disgusted look, lifted his hair from his eyes and shook his head.

"Werewolves of London again." He beckoned the others to follow him as they made their way, mysteriously, through the house. Skinner rolled his eyes and slouched along behind them.

Another chilling howl rang through the rooms of the house, causing Jekyll to jump.

"Werewolves of London." Jekyll gulped, trying to shrug off the surprise. The kitchen door shook slightly as the werewolf called from behind it.

"Werewolves of London." Mina whispered, looking out of the top of her eyes at the figure behind the door.

A crack of lightning flashed, illuminating the werewolf. As Sawyer had said, he hand a Chinese menu in his hand and was dressed in a suit of the most ridiculous fashion. Nemo stepped forwards, instantly recognising the werewolf in question.

"He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent!" He shouted at the others. Mina and Sawyer gasped in mild astonishment, Jekyll just stood staring out the window at the creature, his eyes glazed over. Skinner had lost the plot a long time ago.

"Lately he's been seen in Mayfair!" Mina told them, remembering some of the information they had been told when they were called upon the case. Sawyer suddenly lunged at Skinner, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket and pulling his so that they were nose to nose.

"Better stay away from him!" He shouted at Skinner. "He'll rip your lungs out, Jim!"

"Who the hell is Jim?" Skinner shouted back at Sawyer as he released his coat and walked back to the others.

"I'd like to meet his tailor," Jekyll added, quietly, still looking out the window in a trance. Sawyer gave him a double take, but shook his head and let it go.

The werewolf beat his claws against the window and let out a hideous growl. A look of sudden inspiration flooded over Sawyer's face, as if a light bulb had just appeared above his head.

"Werewolves of London!" He announced triumphantly.

He raced into the back room. Mina and Nemo followed closely behind him. Skinner, not knowing what had come over everybody just followed them. Still gazing out of the window, Jekyll suddenly realised that he was alone in a room with only a sheet of glass standing between him and a werewolf. Letting out a squeal he ran through the door after the others. The werewolf howled after them, still scrabbling at the window.

As Jekyll entered the next room he saw Sawyer poised under a huge trap setting out a cocktail and a comb beneath it. Mina and Nemo stood to the side, holding a large rope that was keeping the trap in the air. Skinner was standing in the corner looking very puzzled.

There was a sudden crash of glass as the werewolf broke through the window in the kitchen. Mina and Nemo looked at each other.

"Werewolves of London!" They said in perfect unison. Skinner coughed to obtain Sawyers attention.

"And what exactly are you doing?" he asked, although he was unsure whether he would understand even if he were told! Without looking at him, Sawyer replied, putting the object in place.

"I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada," Sawyer told him, stepping back to view his creation. He nodded and swept his hair from his eyes. "His hair was perfect."

The door began to rattle and all occupants of the room hid away.

The werewolf burst through the door, searching for his five victims. His eyes fell on the pina colada and comb. He paced slowly towards them. He picked up the cocktail and began to drink it, while pruning his hair with the comb.

Mina and Nemo swiftly let go of the rope and the trap fell on the beast, imprisoning it. The werewolf let out a final howl!

"Werewolves of London!" Sawyer exclaimed triumphantly, brushing his hair from his eyes, as he raised his gun and fired two silver bullets into the thrashing beast.

Sawyer, Mina, Jekyll and Nemo all let out a terrific howl.

"Can we please go home now?" Skinner shouted to them. "You lot are giving me the creeps!"

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NB: Well there we have it. Unless you've heard the song, this probably makes little sense. Either way, it was meant to be stupid, so I hope you found it silly! Reviews are kindly welcomed and offered a little mint on their pillow if they intend to stay the night.


End file.
